Sailorknots.

more days.

so today we went to brooklyn.

spent the afternoon with ashley, auntie karen, my sister, and i.

just talked and talked and talked.

this is the best Christmas i could ever ask for.

Thank You.

when i have that empty feeling drifting back in,

i re-read allison’s card,

and i feel better, controlled, and secure.

-

i dont know, i have a strong defense mechanism, i guess it takes years of hard-earned practice to achieve this kind of discipline and will-power. i’m scared of letting go of the chains that hold myself in place.

i am scared of myself.

birthdaygrandpa.

you know when we watched pearl harbor together on sunday and was discussing about wwii? that meant the world to me :)

it takes alot for me to say ilove yous in the household and saying it in chinese to you will turn me to a pile of smush so i say it in english to you so i wont turn to smush but you give me a werid look afterwards…get what i’m saying?

well.

iloveyousgrandpa and i hope you’re here forever and forever with me.

It was during the summer of 2007 when my family and I went to San Francisco, California. It was at San Francisco, California, where I met my grand-uncle. It was odd, his face was lined with wrinkles and liver spots, yet he held a genuine warm smile when he greeted me.
The sun was blazing a scorching 101 degrees as my family and I walked down a crooked lane through Chinatown to meet him. And there he was…standing in an erect posture by a decaying wood-chipped door; both hands placed behind him, waiting for us. Perhaps it was a mere coincidence but the sun beamed onto his face, coating his weary smile angelically. After a profuse amount of salutations, he took us upstairs up to his little room for a cup of tea.
It was only a room filled with all his necessary possessions; a little mattress by the corner, a makeshift stove, a flimsy wooden tabletop with a pen and a piece of paper, and an enormous pile of Chinese parchment and books. And after we were all seated on the ground, my grand-uncle clutched my sister and I hands. He held on tightly with his arthritis stricken hands and said slowly, “It is finally nice to see you both.”